“This is Randall Newsright with XYZ News. Welcome to the early morning edition of your local news. Right now, we are going live to our roving reporter Nancy Noall, who is reporting from outside the local Mal-Wart store. Nancy? Can you hear me?” (Screen shows view of pretty news reporter with Mal-Wart store in background.)
“Yes Randall. You are coming in loud and clear. This is Nancy Noall, with XYZ News, reporting to you live from outside the local Mal-Wart store. It is four a.m. on Black Friday and as you can see behind me, shoppers are lined up down the front of the store, across the parking lot, and down the street. Let’s take a stroll over to some of these dedicated shoppers and see what they have to say.”
Nancy and the cameraman walk over to the first person in line. Camera on, we see a man sitting on a canvas camping stool, Coleman stove sitting in front of him with a coffee pot on it, and behind him is a small tent.
“Sir, can I ask you a few questions?” Nancy asks.
“Sure honey,” the man replies with a grin that exposes missing teeth.
“How long have you been out here?”
“I’ve been here since eight a’clock last night.”
“And you brought all this stuff with you?”
“No. Right around 10 I was getting kinda hungry and cold, so I went in to the Mal-Wart here, bought all this to keep me warm, and fed until they opened their doors this morning for their big sale. Got some real good pre-sale bargains, too”
‘So you’ve camped out all night. And, what bargains do you hope to get when the store reopens its doors at six?”
“Oh, I’m not the shopper in my family. I’m just hold’n this place for me wife. She’ll be here about five minutes before the door opens. Would you like a hotdog?” the man asks as he reaches into the cooler next to him.
“No thanks. Thank you for your time.”
“No problem sweetie. Hey, is this going to be on TV?”
Nancy and the cameraman move on down the line of anxious shoppers.
“Miss, can I ask you a couple questions?”
“Sure,” the woman replies through chattering teeth.
“How long have you been out here?”
“I was here abbbout midnight.”
“And what kind of items are you hoping to buy?”
“I’mmm not sure. I just want to gggget sssome good bargains.”
“You seem pretty cold. Perhaps you should have worn more than a sweater and sandals.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“Thank you for your time.”
“Let’s move over to the folks in line for electronics,” Nancy tells the cameraman.
“Sir, can I ask you a few questions?” Asks Nancy as she positions the microphone in front of a man.
“Is this going to be on TV?” he asks.
“Yes. Is that all right?”
“Can I say Hi to my family?”
“Hi everybody. I’m glad this lady is here so you can see I’m in line for the Wii you all want.”
“So you’re hoping to purchase a Wii for your family?”
“But the store advertised that they only have 10 for sale, and you are; let me see, about number 40 in line. Do you really think you will get to purchase one?”
“Hey, when those doors open, it’s every man or woman for themselves. I might be number 40 in line right now, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be at the front of the line once inside.”
“Well, thank you for your time.”
“And there you have it viewers. Die-hard shopper waiting for the doors to open for those Black Friday bargains. We’ll be live again right before six when the doors open. Back to you Randall.”
Fast forward to 5:55 a.m.
“Welcome back. I’m Randall Newsright and once again, we go live with Nancy Noall for an update on Black Friday events. Nancy? You there?”
“Yes Randall. This is Nancy Noall, with XYZ News reporting to you live from outside the local Mal-Wart. We continue our coverage of Black Friday shopping events and it is now 5:55 a.m. In five minutes, the doors of this local Mal-Wart store will open and the crowds will rush in to scoop up tremendous savings on hundreds of items. We talked to some of these shoppers earlier, some who have been here since yesterday evening.”
“About 15 minutes ago two ambulances pulled up near the south entrance (cameraman spans out to include ambulances in view), a sure sign among the crowds that the doors are getting ready to open. Now it is my understanding that these ambulances are fully equipped and ready to handle any accidents that may occur when the doors are opened, or afterwards inside the store.”
“Also two men have set up a table nearby selling trample insurance. I talked to these two men earlier and for $10 they will sell you a policy that will pay up to $1000 in medical costs should you become injured when the doors open. I’ve got to say Randall, this is a good bargain and there are some people buying this, and with good cause.”
“Ok, we’re just waiting here, watching. The crowd has started the countdown. You can hear them in the background.”
(“10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.”)
“The doors are open and people are pouring into the store. It is just a mass of bodies, pushing and shoving. Oh! A fight has broken out to my right. Can you get that Joe?”
Joe the cameraman zooms in on two women fighting for an opening in the crowd. We see hair being pulled, fingernails scrapping against skin, and punches being thrown. Two policemen quickly break it up and separate the women.
“I see two paramedics heading for the entrance with a gurney. Someone must be hurt. Let’s see if we can’t get in closer.”
Nancy and the Joe the cameraman move in closer. Police have cleared a path for the paramedics and moments later, they emerge with a man (the same man that was interviewed earlier who wanted the Wii). As he rolls by Joe, camera rolling, we see shoe prints on his clothing, and a few scratches on his face.
“Sir? Sir, are you all right?” With tears in his eyes the man says, “I didn’t get it. I didn’t get it.”
“Sir? Did you purchase any trample insurance?”
“No,” he weeps. The paramedics load him in the ambulance and drive off.
“Well there you have it Randall. The man had not purchased trample insurance and it may be just as well. The two men who were selling the insurance cannot be found. I’m sure we are going to see more of this as the day goes on. This is Nancy Noall with XYZ News reporting to you live form the local Mal-Wart. Back to you Randall.”
Note: Although this is intended to be humorous, please be careful and considerate when shopping this Friday.