Do you have an image in your head of a perfect Valentine’s Day? Mine goes like this: the love of my life plans an elaborate dinner. I’m dressed in a sexy black dress and my guy is dressed in a sharp, black suit. There is obviously candlelight and red roses everywhere. After an absolutely fabulous meal, filled with sexual innuendo about the upcoming evening, my lover tells me how much he loves me and presents me with beautiful diamond jewelry that sparkles so much that it actually hurts my eyes.
But that’s the image that I’ve been sucked into having by the over-commercialization of a totally fake holiday. Yes folks, it’s a fake holiday created to sell cards. Worked pretty well from a marketing standpoint. But the reality is that this perfect Valentine’s Day DOES NOT EXIST. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a problem with couples trying to have a romantic evening and applaud those who do. But what about those couples where the man just feels like he “has to” give his wife roses/jewelry/romance or he’s a bad husband? Where’s the romance in that?
Guilt trips or forced actions, in my humble opinion, do not equal romance my friend.
And don’t get me started on how Cupid’s good intentions on Valentine’s Day makes single people feel like total losers. (I don’t of course, it’s just what my single friends tell me).
So what’s a girl to do? I say it’s time for a few new traditions. Let’s stand up and say together “I’m never going to get the Hollywood version of Valentine’s Day. This is the REAL world. Let’s celebrate the opposite. This year it’s all about celebrating the Anti-Valentine’s Day!”. Therefore, to kick off America’s favorite new holiday, I’ve composed a list of the best ways to make this year your best February 14th ever.
Tradition #1: Watch any of the following Kick Butt Movies
So what’s the antithesis of love and happily ever-after? Blood, guts and vicious fight scenes. These are a few of my personal favorites, but any horror, dark comedy drama, or movie with more violence than dialogue will work. Just click past anything Lifetime original movie.
1. Kill Bill
2. Anything by the Cohen Brothers
3. Reservoir Dogs
4. The Godfather
5. The Dark Knight (Heath Ledger as the Joker is Anti-Valentine’s Day perfection)
Tradition #2: Eat Fast Food
Don’t even try to have a nice meal. This year, choose the cheap, fast food restaurant of your choice. My Anti-Valentine’s agenda includes a greasy, salty, super value meal that cannot possibly be eaten over any romantic dinner. In fact, eat it in the car while on the way to the dump or some doing other hated errand. There is no romance in that.
Tradition #3: Watch Wrestling, Cage Fighting or Any Mixed Martial Arts Event
You know it’s your guilty pleasure anyway. Who doesn’t love a good old brawl? Pick any of your favorite fighting event. I say, route for the bad guy. Scream for a bloody knock out. Maybe get inspired and throw a chair across the room. Just sit back and enjoy the carnage.
Tradition #4: Wear Flannel Pajamas
Again, the purpose of the Anti-Valentine’s Day agenda is to do the opposite of what you would do for the Hollywood version. That little black dress? Put it back in the closet. For you guys out there, don’t worry about impressing your gal with a suit and tie. I say, reject those forced fashion ideals and trade them for your comfy flannel p.j.’s. You know you own them and wear them when no one will see you.
P.S. Any old ripped t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants can be worn instead of flannel.
Tradition #5: Pick a Fight with Your Significant Other
Perhaps if we were celebrating the other February 14th holiday, we would overlook our Significant Other’s small annoying habits that day. Like not picking up their dirty clothes off the floor or not remembering to pick up milk. Whatever the transgression, I say don’t try to overlook it. Pick this day to air your grievances and get them off your chest. Why try to be the “perfect couple”? Again, this is Anti-Valentine’s Day. So let loose.
But I will say, doing Tradition #5 could end up with make-up sex. Hey, I never said Anti-Valentine’s Day could not be fun.