Will Crazy Auntie never stop, with her Christmas crafts, and her holiday decorations? Here she is at the front door again, bearing a satchel full of holiday décor. And there go those naughty children sneaking out the back door, lest she spot them and delay the Great Snowball Massacre. Never mind, Crazy Auntie begins at once pulling pine cones, glitter and fake fruit out of her satchel.
Stopping only to tuck the cranberries around the golden candlesticks on the coffee table, and throw some glittery pomegranates in the Christmas centerpiece, Auntie flies to decorate the staircase with Christmas garlands and ribbon. She is making long generous swoops with the garlands, and catching them up with big golden bows. How elegant! Should she dangle the pine cone ornaments from the bows? “No, no,” she mutters in her gravelly voice, “One too many turns tasteful to tacky,” (which is one of Crazy Auntie’s Famous Aphorisms.)
Onward Auntie, who is now actually decorating the Christmas decorations. Yes, over the big fireplace, she adds twinkle lights to the Christmas wreath, and centers the candles on the mantle, popping in a poinsettia here and there. She admonishes Mum about formal Christmas mantles, saying “centered is formal, off center is festive.” Mum mumbles, “Oh goodie, another aphorism,” and drifts away to spike the wassail.
Where else can old Auntie leave her festive touch? How about a Christmas chandelier? Out come strings of golden beads, soon threaded among the arms of the chandelier to make shining swoops, with ornaments hung from the downward curves. Call her crazy, but the effect is stunning. Who knew?
Ah ha! Is that Madison sneaking in the back door? Busted! Auntie summons her to see the transformation. Madison, despite the required ennui of 12 years old to be, is dazzled. She says “Can I help?” and Mum accidentally takes a big gulp of wassail.
“Absolootlytootly,” Auntie says crazily, and soon has Madison filling all the brandy snifters full of silver tinsel. As they line up along the counter, the silver catches the light, and gives off dancing sparkles. “Ooooh Auntie, that is so cool,” Maddy says. Too bad little brother Max chooses that moment to come in, catching Madison in this uncharacteristic burst of enthusiasm. “Ooooh Auntie,” he mimics, in his annoying falsetto, complete with eye rolls. No one cares that little Bobby trails behind, blubbering about Max telling him to lick the swing set. All this time his tongue has been frozen to a metal post! To divert attention, Mad Max says sweetly “Please, Auntie, may I help too?”
Yes! Auntie was hoping to enlist someone to glue cotton balls on the little artificial Christmas tree, and here is Max willing to pull at the little balls until they flatten enough to impersonate snow. Soon the tree is having its own personal winter, and Max, feeling redeemed, goes in the kitchen to devour all the Christmas cookies being saved for the carolers. Auntie allows as how she’ll try some wassail, and little Bobby yells “Want cookie!” in between snuffles. Mum holds him on her lap, saying “Oh don’t we just love it when Auntie visits?”