You are bidding (or probably not bidding) on a pile of powdered sugar from Cafe Du Monde, the famous “Original French Market Coffee Stand New Orleans, LA” that began business in the French Quarter way before your mother was born and is still bustling to this very minute (that’s a really good business idea by the way – basically all they sell is fried dough, coffee and hot chocolate). I recently visited the drive-through of a Cafe Du Monde branch in Metairie at night today on February 27, 2007, where a European guy chatting on his cell was probably surprised to see me since it’s a Tuesday night. But hey – the guy can’t just get paid to chat on his cellular device now, can he? Anyway I ordered a small hot chocolate (for $1.59) and an order of beignets (also 1.59), which comes with three beignets (by the way a beignet is “a light square doughnut” according to Merriam-Webster and according to me it’s a “fried piece of dough that tastes really good and it’s square when you’re really lucky like on your birthday maybe but usually not very geometric after all it’s a fried piece of dough and covered with lots of powdered sugar, perhaps a bit too much because you get all this sugar all over your pants and stuff”).
So you’re probably wondering – where’s the picture?!? Sorry It’s really late right now and I just don’t feel like turning on my brother’s camera and probably finding that it’s out of batteries and then going to look for double-A’s and all that nonsense. So you’ll just have to trust me on this, and if you don’t trust me then oh well I guess you have the right to not trust me but believe me I’m not lying about this. But if you still don’t believe me then well I guess I’d be suspicious too if someone said they were going to sell me powdered sugar and they didn’t put a picture of the powdered sugar because you know people these days can really try to take advantage of you and sell you powdered sugar and make almost no profit….what I mean is that look, there’s really not much to see here as it’s a little bag of powdered sugar and if you think I’m making this up then you are probably a little too cynical. But just to be fair I’ll put a generic picture of powdered sugar from online along with a Cafe Du Monde symbol or bag. So the picture you see below is not the real thing you’ll receive it’s a picture I made from ones I found online.
So anyway, I ate one of the beignets – it was pretty good but I already had enough sugar for the day, and I gave the other two to my bro – who gladly ate them before falling back asleep. So after that I looked in the bag and I was somewhat dismayed to see a whole bunch of powdered sugar at the bottom. I thought – gosh, I wish there was someone who I could give this too because I really don’t want to waste this precious powdered sugar – eureka! I think I’ll sell it on eBay – after all if they sell pieces of bread and ice from Colorado and sometimes celebrities’ leftover gum then why can’t I try selling my clean and tasty powdered sugar from Cafe Du Monde?!?
So anyway, enough reasons and all – here’s my description – I’m selling what appears to me to be between 2 and 4 ounces of powdered sugar – the sugar is all white. I don’t know what’s the expiration date but using horse sense I think it’s probably sometime around the end of 2008. So this sugar is very fine as it is powdery but there may be some lumps in it – actually I think there are a couple of lumps as the beignets were probably placed into it while they were somewhat wet from the oil on them. Umm… let’s see – the sugar is very white, it’s tasty and fresh so you can put it on your cereal, sprinkle some on your lasagna, spray some on your spaghetti, drop a scoop into your coffee, tea, or V8, or even chug directly from the bag if you need a quick sugar fix. Or you can even make some beignets of your own (try googling “beignet recipe” and I promise that something will pop up) and save lots of $ on the powdered sugar!
Please note, this powdered sugar is being sold AS IS with no guarantee that you will like it or that it will still be fresh, although I promise you it is powdered sugar so you can probably surmise what it tastes like. Also note: the bag is only about 1/10th full so don’t expect a big fat bag or anything – like I said it’s only a couple of ounces. By the way, you will receive the powdered sugar in two paper bags that are sealed at the top with three paper clips Let me see – oh all right let me throw in a little lagniappe as this is a deal coming to your from southern Louisiana, the winning bidder will also receive a pamphlet from Cafe Du Monde, a postcard of New Orleans, a copper Lincoln penny from 1969, a coin from a foreign country of my choosing, a beautiful new paper clip, some cheap Mardi Gras beads if I can find them and if not a bouncing ball and a cheap plastic toy, about 45 small yellow Post-its, an old and used Chinese-made Swiss army style knife with Victorinox toothpick and tweezers, a beautiful white eraser for a mechanical lead pencil, a wonderful and very shiny brand-new Lincoln penny from 2007, and a random bookmark of my choosing!
All this will come in a separate envelope inside the same package along with the powdered sugar. And by the way, if your wondering – yes, I am kinda crazy (maybe it’s because of that Vault I drank i dunno though) and yes, this deal is authentic and you will receive exactly what I just listed – and if you do not receive if it because of some fault of mine or negligence you will receive a beautiful pencil randomly selected by me, an old postcard from Europe, a tasty hershey’s mini chocolate, a stamp from long ago, a free all-access pass to my website, and a picture of me standing next to a Lamborghini and Ferrari. All right then, thanks for looking at my rather eldritch listing, good luck, and have a great day and smile at the children. Oh yeah one last thing – if you win this auction then I will ship out the package on Saturday, March 10th – but if you want I can ship it with Priority mail so the powdered sugar is a just a little fresher. OK, thanks for looking and good luck bidding (or not bidding, although i would really prefer for you to bid with utmost confidence and reckless abandon, but that’s a biased viewpoint if you know what I mean).