Well, it’s Friday once again. Every other Friday a visitation is supposed to occur. Will she show or not? That is the question…
My step son is one of my boys. My husband and I have had him for five years now. I call him the best Mother’s day gift I ever received because the day that she brought all of his clothes, toys, and furniture to our home was Mother’s day. He was only just two months past turning six years old.
She has no name yet she has so many. She could also be called he. There are so many children out there with only one parent. Children need two parents. A mother and a father. When one of those parents is absent some or all of the time the child suffers. Fortunately for my stepson he has a mom every single day, always there for him, ready and available. What about the children who do not have step parents to step in and substitute? The feel the pain of absent parents even worse.
The answer to the question is no. She hasn’t shown up for the last six visits. She has not called her son for twelve weeks now. I would question how a parent could possibly do such a thing but I already know the answer. She has taught me very well about the things that people are capable of doing. The reason why is simply because it’s easier for her to not deal with him. That is the reason for so many parents being absent. They simply don’t want to deal with the responsibilities of being a parent to the child.
Where exactly does that leave the child? It leaves the child in a state of feeling abandoned and unwanted. It hurts them terribly. The child often feels like it’s their fault. The child may express a lot of anger and frustration. Their behavior will certainly be affected. Their grades may suffer because they cannot concentrate well. The list of ways that absent parents affect their children is very, very long.
Children do not deserve to be abandoned. Keeping regular visitations offers children security. If you are a parent who has a child whose other parent is inconsistent with visitations or totally absent here are some things you can do to help sooth and ease the child.
Firstly, offer your love. Make sure that the child knows how very much he means to you and that he is a very special person to you. When children are going through this they need to feel loved and wanted more than anything. You’ll need to give the child extra love for he is missing the love that the other parent is supposed to continuously provide.
Next, let the child know that if they need to talk they can but don’t force them to talk. The only time you should make a child tell you what is bothering them is when their behavior has gone out of control because of the thing that is bothering them. If there are no serious off the wall behaviors present simply offering to listen is what to do. The child will feel better just knowing you are there for them if they need you.
Trying to contact the other parent can be helpful. Sometimes though, it’s not. In my experience I have found that absent parents when contacted may or may not be receptive. Sometimes they’ll be responsive and will see the child. However, often the communications only last a couple of months and then the child goes through it all over again when the parent disappears again. For years I called her every time she did the disappearing act. I talked to her and talked to her about consistency and the importance of being involved with her child. Some parents just don’t get it. They can’t feel what the child feels. If they don’t want to be involved they won’t be. The only thing you can do is hope that someday they do get it, for the child’s sake.
If you are a parent that has a child with an absent parent the advice I give you is above. If you are a parent who has been inconsistent with your visitations or absent from your child’s life I urge you to think about how your child is feeling. It’s never too late. Thanks for reading and take care!