Asking to be released from your dominant is one of the most difficult things a submissive potentially will do in a power relationship. In such a relationship, a submissive agrees to give up control to her dominant. Being able to take a step back, re-evaluate the relationship and assert yourself enough to say “This is no longer working for me…I ask to be released” is taking a step outside of our submissive role. For this reason, many submissives stay in relationships tied to a dominant when they no longer really want to be there.
How does a submissive recognize when it is time to ask for release? First of all, as a submissive, you must never lose sight of the fact that you are really the one in control of the relationship. Your dominant is in control of you only because you consented to give him your control…but people change. Situations change. Feelings change. If you recognize any of the following signs in your power relationship, it may be time to ask for release from your dominant.
1) Has the dominant bypassed set limits? In any good power relationship, the couple will discuss set limits before embarking on such a relationship. Every submissive has limits. Every dominant has limits. Before agreeing to continue in such a relationship, both parties must agree to respect one another limits. Sadly, this does not always happen.
Take the case of Angela and her dominant. When Angela entered into the relationship, she was entering into a monogamous 24/7 power relationship. Imagine her surprise when her dominant brought another submissive home and ordered Angela to help him train her as a new submissive for him. This was a breach of Angela’s limits because she had agreed to a monogamous relationship. Accepting a 3rd person was not something Angela could accept.
If your dominant has bypassed your limits, it may be time to move on.
2) Have your feelings regarding being a submissive changed? Some women may believe they desire to be in a power relationship only to discover later that they do not. If this is you, then you may feel guilty. You may feel shame. You may be afraid of hurting your dominant or making him angry. These feelings may keep you from being honest with him. Don’t let this happen! You must realize that no dominant wants a submissive who dos not really want to be one.
Sarah was 100% certain that she wanted to be in a power relationship, but she had some unresolved issues from her childhood that kept nagging at her. These issues (which involved being sexually abused as a child) led Sarah to therapy. In therapy, Sarah began to recognize and understand her desire to be dominated. As she began to heal those old wounds, she found that the power relationship was no longer needed or wanted. She was able to ask her dominant for release and move on.
Pay attention to your true feelings. They will never let you down.
3) Have your feelings about your dominant changed? Does he have anger issues you never knew about? Is he too aggressive? Too passive? There could be any reasons why your feelings may have changed. Perhaps you yourself have changed.
In Stephanie’s case, she thought she knew her dominant well…but after a few months, she discovered he had a very sadistic streak. He seemed determined to make her enjoy the physical pain he began to inflict upon her. Stephanie knew this was never going to happen…so she asked him for release.
In Annie’s case, she started going to church and found a relationship with God. Her newfound spirituality helped her realize that she wanted to give her control to God rather than a dominant.
No matter what your reasons for asking for release are, it is very important to listen to that voice inside of yourself. Pushing it aside is not only denying yourself, it could put you in danger.