Relationships are never easy, but they don’t have to be brain surgery either. Unfortunately for us, people don’t come with warning lables like the ones on a NyQuil or Tylenol bottle:
WARNING: TAKING MORE THAN THE NECESSARY NONSENSE FROM THIS INDIVIDUAL CAN CAUSE SERIOUS PHYSICAL HEALTH ISSUES, INCLUDING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CHARGES, INCURABLE STD’S, OUT-OF-WEDLOCK BABIES, WASTED TIME AND EMOTIONAL ISSUES. IN CASE OF AN OVERDOSE OF DRAMA, ABUSE OR JUST YOUR AVERAGE TRIFLNESS, PLEASE CONTACT YOUR NEAREST LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCY, HEALTH DEPARTMENT OR PSYCHOTHERAPIST RIGHT AWAY.
Bad relationships know no cultural, educational or socioeconomic boundaries. Any one of us is liable to end up in a dead-end relationship, but when that becomes a recurring event within your life, it’s time to stop and do some deep self-introspective thinking. Predators prey upon the low-self esteem, naive and desperate, but they only go as far as we let them.The only common denominator in any of your relationships is you and the choices you make. No, there is no unseen, powerful outside force that draws bad men/women to you like a magnet. You draw them to you.
Below, I have compiled a description of the types of women men should not consider for relationships let alone carnal knowledge.
THE “MARRIED, ALREADY DATING/LIVING WITH HER BOYFRIEND” WOMAN
First off, you cannot date a married woman or a woman who is involved with another man when you meet her. A married woman who is playing both sides of the fence is giving you a free and full preview of how she treats men and what she really thinks about commitment. She is showing you that she has no integrity. If you choose to pursue this woman anyway, you can’t be mad when it doesn’t work out or you end up getting played. When you sign on to deceive another, play games and sneak around you are, in essence, telling her that you have no expectation of truth, dignity or monogamy.
My father always said, “If you go around lying, sneaking and playing games with people, you can’t be mad when that game turns around and plays you.” If she has any integrity or respect for you, him or herself then she will wait to until she is divorced or at least legally separated before pursuing any relationships. If she is lying to her spouse to be with you, it’s no different. Contrary to popular belief, being emotionally unfaithful or disrespectful to your mate or spouse are just as damaging as a pyshical betrayal.
And in all honesty, if she does it with you, she’ll do it to you.
THE “I DON’T NEED A MAN FOR ANYTHING” WOMAN
Women who live by this mantra are, again, giving you a full, free preview of what they think of men and how they will treat you one you’re on board. Speaking as a woman, most of the females that I know who live by such mantras are usually using them to get a man to kowtow and jump through hoops like a monkey at a side show in order to manipulate him into doing things for her.
You’re either apologizing for everything her last boyfriend did, acting as a band-aid for other mens wounds. They tell you repeatedly how a “man can’t do anything for them yet you’re paying for every (or any) date, buying her gifts, buying the drinks and maybe pay a few bills here and there.
You’re being used…with your permission of course and when it ends (and it will) you’re left broke, busted and depressed. Your best bet is to run when you hear a woman utter the above mantras. All you’re doing by staying is volunteering to be emotionally and verbally abused.
THE “HE’S JUST A FRIEND” WOMAN
Every man you see them with or they introduce you to is a “friend.” Of course, there’s that nagging feeling deep in the pit of your stomach that tells you otherwise, but you choose to ignore it because the sex is so good, she’s “so cool” otherwise or she seems so earnest in telling you this lie repeatedly.
And when you detect a note of dishonesty or pick up on an inconsistency in her tale concerning these “friends” she turns it around on you: “I lied because you act so insecure” or “I lied because you made me. If i tell you the truth, you won’t believe me” or “I lied because he’s just a friend and it’s totally innocent.”
Here’s the bottom line:
– No one lies about anything that they know is totally innocent or monogamous.
– If it appears inappropriate, it likely is.
– If you have to lie about it, sneak around to do it or hide it you’re doing so because you know it’s wrong.
If you are dating a woman, paying her bills, financing her shopping trips, evenings out, in short acting as her boyfriend, but you suddenly become “a friend” when other men are around, guess what? You’re being used.
If she’s suddenly a homebody and your “girlfriend” then you get hit up for a trip to the mall, to pay a bill or “loan” her some money, guess what? You’re being played and used.
If this “friend” acts more like a jealous lover or an overall adversary, it’s likely there’s a lot more going on between them than friendship. Sometimes wolves come dressed in sheeps clothing. Just because the so-called “friend” is smiling at you, doesn’t mean they will not do you harm. As the group Undisputed Truthsings, “Smiling faces sometimes pretend to be your friend. Smiling faces show no traces of the evil that lurks within…can you dig it.”
When you allow someone to use you, they’re not looking at you as a “nice guy.” They’re looking at you like you’re a chump who likes to blow his money. No one respects someone who allows themselves to be used. And if sex is your kryptonite, you’re going to get the screw of your life, just not the one you were hoping for. Your best bet is to shut down the ATM machine you’ve been acting like and run, don’t walk to the nearest exit.
The above does not only apply to the women you date. Some of you are allowing family members to use you like ATM machines. Yes, I realize blood is thick, but sometimes it’s just a thick, hot mess. Being connected by DNA does not give anyone a rite of passage to use you as an ATM machine or an open end loan company. Yes, it is a noble act to help others less fortunate than you, but there’s a big difference between helping someone and allowing someone to use you. When people are not helping themselves, choosing to stay in dead-end jobs, choosing to have more babies versus going to college or entering the military, they are choosing to keep themselves in a rut. If you choose to act as their or the family benefactor and you end up in debt, broke or living on the edge you have no one to blame but yourself. Being a kindly helper is one thing, a fool is another.
THE “DAMSEL AKA HOOCHIE IN DISTRESS” WOMAN
Yes there are some women who genuinely fall upon hard times. Other times, we have constant Damsels in Distress. These women never have it together. Every time you see them, there’s some drama going on in their life, they need this or that or they’re in a “bad relationship.” They’re either not working, have some man supporting them or they’re working a dead-end job. Their story always stars them as the victim and they need you to save them. Your wallet, ATM card, apartment and car are the medicine they need.
You don your Captain-Save-A-Ho or Mr. Nice Guy gear and jump into action only to find out later that you were used. Surprised? Well you shouldn’t be. It’s likely this scenario has played-out over and over again where you and women are concerned.
What’s a Captain-Save-A-Ho? He’s that man who is always “rescuing” a hoochie-in-distress aka Damsel in distress. He’s that guy who is always “helping” or “dating” somebody’s wife, soon-to-be-ex-wife, girlfriend or just your run-of-the-mill user. Everyone else seems to know that these females are users and liars…except for Captain-save-a-ho/Mr. Nice Guy.
A woman down on her luck or going through hard times and trying to change her situation is usually doing things (actually doing things) to improve her situation and hitting the bars every night/weekend, using other men, dressing/acting like a hoochie and just generally playing games are not apart of that. Leave this Damsel alone so that she can distress someone else.
I once had a man tell me that he couldn’t help feeling sorry for a woman he met who told him how rough it was in the dating world because “all men are dogs who just want sex from you.” He went on to say how she told him about all the men she “went through” that year trying to find “the one.”
“It’s sad and easy to see how the poor thing went through twelve men in a year trying to find a good man and all she got were one night stands or relationships that lasted two weeks at a time,” he said.
I, of course, was dumbfounded.
First off, a healthy woman does not audition potential husbands or boyfriends on her back. And any woman that tells you that she has gone through twelve men in a year trying to find her Mr. Right isn’t a victim, she’s a volunteer…a dysfunctional, promiscuous volunteer not to mention a dangerous one when we’re living in a time where STD rates are at a staggering high.
Plain and simple: Love is a risk. But we can minimize the risk by going into relationships with both eyes wide open. Except people for who they actually are when you meet them, not who you hope or want them to be after you get involved. Dating potential versus reality always leads to a dead end. If a man/woman you meet isn’t living or doing right when you meet them and not doing anything to change that, guess what they’ll do once they get involved with you? That’s right, continue on that same dead-beat path. Listen to and believe people when they tell you who they really are. Walking around with blinders on isn’t cute. I will leave you with a quote from the wise and beautiful, Maya Angelou: “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them. “
I wish you all healthy and happy relationships.
Source: Undisputed Truth, Smiling Faces http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZGUgwzKzEg
Source: Maya Angelou quotes http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/3503.Maya_Angelou