The older I get, the more I realize how stupid the advertising media thinks I am. The commercial for the $19.99 blanket comes to mind. It shows a woman rubbing her arms and making odd facial expressions. She starts to turn the heat up a notch or two, decides against it, then tries to cover up on the couch with a slippery shawl the size of a hand towel. This woman has a real dilemma. She needs help. She needs a Snuggie.
I guess I might be a little jealous that I didn’t think of the unique idea of a blanket with arms. A person can talk on the phone, read a book, and even stay warm at the local sports event with this revolutionary concept. I’m a little concerned about my ice cold backside, but the monk-like fashion more than makes up for this drawback. I also had a slight problem with the “sleeve” when I inadvertently dragged it over my scented candle I use for stress relief. I’m going back to my blanket and a sweater. It’s safer.
“Bob” is quite a guy. He obviously had been cursed with an anatomical part the size of a keno pencil. His life was reflective of this until he found a miracle cure for his affliction. Now, women swoon when “Bob” enters the room, and whisper to each other with gooey lovelorn expressions on their faces. “Bob” now has a perpetual grin on his face as stiff as….well, you know. “Bob” should concentrate less on the women, and more on the gorilla that might want to wipe that smile off his face.
When I saw the beautiful little girl gazing at the cross necklace her mother was holding, it reminded me of the cross my mother gave me as a child. Through a tiny hole, I could see a magnification of “The Lord’s Prayer”. Imagine my surprise when the child puts the cross up to her eye and views “Lord’s Prayer”. Do these people think all of the recipients of the original cross are dead? Well, I’m here to tell you that there is nothing new about that one. At least change the prayer.
I would be more apt to believe a wrinkle cream commercial if the model was at least half my age, and a weight commercial without a bikini clad stick lady telling me she went from a size 10 to a size 4. A SIZE 10? I was born a size 14.
I am cursed with a questioning mind. I wonder what two bathtubs are doing in a field. Wouldn’t bathing in wide open spaces be a deterrent to that warm and fuzzy feeling it seems everyone is searching for? I’m concentrating more on who is watching the aging lovebirds and how the water stays warm. Cold water as we all know can be an embarrassing mood breaker.
A company is charging $14.99 plus shipping and handling for sandpaper that removes unwanted hair from legs, arms, and face. A toweled beauty is gently massaging her legs and underarms with this product, and smiling provocatively. I, on the other hand, struggled to bend over far enough to reach my lower legs. My expression was more of a grimace, in a muted shade of purple. I’m still mad that they got me to believe that ad.
I’m happy Sally Field only has to take her bone supplement once a month. I’m sure she is much too busy watching “Bandit” reruns to set aside the 2 seconds daily to swallow a pill. Couldn’t she have her publicist remind her? Birth control pills have joined the once a month medicinal cycle. Call me crazy, but I would be more apt to forget to take a pill on the third Tuesday of every month than daily, with my morning coffee. What happens in a leap year?
I never knew bears used toilet paper. I can’t understand the concept of that commercial, unless the producers are telling me I have a fuzzy backside, and can rid myself of those annoying dingle berries if I use their toilet paper. That being the case, it still doesn’t work for me because….who would know? I, unlike our furry friends, cover my tushy in public.
I admit I do get hoodwinked into believing some of the commercials, especially the ones that say “money back guarantee”. I am still arguing with a company that sent me some putty that was so strong it could hold up to seventy pounds. I used it to re-hang a six ounce mirror tile in my hallway, and before I could get off the ladder, the tile fell off leaving the blob of putty on the wall. It is still there. The company says I’m being unreasonable, because even if the mirror fell off, the putty held.
The Super Bowl commercials are insulting. The sponsors had one good year. Since the Budweiser frogs, the hype has been extraordinary, but the actual commercials, disappointing to say the least. The outcome proves the point, however. I am the dope they are looking for. I watch each year hoping the next commercial during the bowl game will be better than the last, and not as funny as the next. It hasn’t happened yet, but hope springs eternal. I don’t even like football.