There comes a time when holding out hope for a marriage is like trying to ride a dead donkey. Denying the inevitable will only leave you unprepared for the shock of a broken marriage and vulnerable to a spouse that may want to take you for everything you’ve got.
There are many indicators that a marriage is careening towards divorce but here are seven of them you need to take note of.
When your spouse tells everyone what a SOB you are. I mean everyone: Her relatives, your relatives, your pastor, your co-workers and the neighbors on either side of the street you live on. When this happens your marriage has run its course.
If your spouse absolutely refuses to have sex with you, making excuses or telling you out right that he or she has no interest in you or that they only have sex with their friends then you know the sun has set on your marriage.
Why would your spouse buy a new TV, bed, stove and sofa, the very things you already jointly own? New furniture is evidence that your spouse has already moved on. He or she is planning a new life – without you.
If you notice that your spouse has cashed in his or her RRSP or 401K look out. They are planning to leave. That’s also a strategy; they make whatever assets they have disappear before they declare a separation. That way when it comes time to divide the matrimonial property they get to keep all of theirs and half of yours.
The Brass Third Party
Whenever another man or woman calls your house and leaves voice mails for your spouse, saying they just wanted to see how your souse was doing and that they will be free this weekend, its time to notice the writing on the wall. This sign becomes even more portentous if your spouse does not even bother to delete the messages.
Those Disappearing Acts
A spouse that has already decided that the marriage is over will demand that you keep the children for two weekends each month at which time he or she will disappear until Monday morning. That your marriage is definitely over will be evident when your spouse disappears even when it is his or her weekend to keep the kids.
That Lawyer Letter
And the most compelling sign that your marriage is over is that professionally written letter from some lawyer you’ve never heard about, putting you on notice that your spouse wants a separation, custody of the kids, equal division of matrimonial property and spousal support.
What to Do
The most important thing you can do for yourself is to accept the reality of a busted marriage. Waste no time, money or energy at pleading, begging, fretting or being heart broken. If you’ve already done all you could for reconciliation, and saving your marriage, now let it go.
The most urgent thing you can do is to protect your assets especially if you know your spouse is angry and vindictive. You don’t want to be left, homeless, broke, jobless and powerless.
The wisest thing you can do is to take the initiate to broker an amicable separation: Offer your spouse whatever it is he or she wants and even surprise him or her with a little more than was demanded. The sooner you settle the disputes the better it will be for you.
The most exciting thing you can do after the marriage is to reconstruct a bigger and grander life. Understand that whatever does not poison you will fatten you. Learn from your mistakes and grow and find another partner worthy of your love.