I have Virgin Mobile “pay as you go” cell phone service.
For a while, I have had a sneaking suspicion that there’s some shenanigans going on because I get weird text messages from people I don’t know.
Keep in mind, you pay $0.05 per text, so if there was a “Ghost in the Machine” it would be quite the revenue generator for Virgin Mobile, which makes me a little more than skeptical.
I choose to channel my frustration by responding and messing with these people.
Case in point, my latest round of random texts. I thought I’d try my friend’s technique of abruptly ending a conversation. He’s a pharmacist, and when people come in to refill their Xanax way too early, he just tells them “Good day” and when they begin to argue further “But, wait, I…” he replies firmly in Willy Wonka/Fez from the 70’s show form “I SAID GOOD DAY!“
Random Person: Hey
Random Person: Hey torri
Random Person: Hello?
Random Persistant Person: Why don’t you text your stalker back?
Random Person: Yeah… You didn’t know you had a stalker?
Me: I gotta say no.
Random Person: Well, now you do. :)
Me: Look, I’m sure you’re a nice stalker. But, I really enjoy the solitude of not having one. And besides, I’m not that great. Sorry.
Random Person: Well, your mom said it was ok for me to be it. :) and don’t be all depressed like your not all great and stuff lol.
Me: I’m sorry, nice stalker. I have to go now. Good day to you.
Random Person: Why do you have to go? Basketball practice isn’t until 7:30?
Me: I SAID GOOD DAY!
I learned how to switch to caps just for that. But, I guess it didn’t work. Because, I woke up today to some new text messages asking me about basketball practice…
Random Person: So how was basketball
Random Person: Practice at 6 in the morning! That’s gotta suck!
Me: I fouled g-man while he was shooting a 3-pointer and coach got mad & made me do sprints and then he grabbed my package.
Random Person: Who is g-man?
Me: Quit playin’ , you know who g-money is!
Random Person: You had to run sprints at 6 in the morning? I bet that had to suck!
Me: Yeah and then coach jumped in the shower with me.
Random Person: Oh wow…I bet that was fun lol.
Me: Actually, I kinda liked it. Maybe next time we’ll use separate showers tho.
Random Person: You liked being in the shower with the coach?
Me: Yeah, I’m exploring a new side of my self.
Random Person: And what side is that?
Random Person: That blue jacket is cute today.
Me: Thanks. I shoplifted it.
Random Person: Nice lol
Me: Mall cop chased me but I juked him. Next time you see me with it, come touch it. It’s nice!
Random Person: I can’t do that…you will know who I am then lol
Me: This isn’t Gertrude?
Random Person: Lol no
Me: Well, I can’t just text back and forth with someone I don’t know. Good day then.
Random Person: What’s your new side that your exploring?
Random Person: You want to know who it is?
Me: I SAID GOOD DAY!