A Ciao review by me as Kimberlynnsmom23 on Anger
Jan 5, 2009
Anger is probably one of the base emotions that we feel and demonstrate toward others. It certainly is okay to be angry, and to demonstrate the anger in a healthy way. Many folks might say it is wrong to get angry; however, believing it would be the same as saying it is wrong to be happy or sad. Anger is an emotion, just like any other and it needs to be expressed in a healthy way.
We can feel and express anger over many different situations in our lives. We might feel anger at a boss if we get laid off from work, or we might get angry with a coworker who doesn’t pull his/her load. Husbands and wives express anger towards each other sometimes. When one goes through a divorce, there is usually a certain amount of anger associated with it. One of the parties may feel like they have been wronged in some way, and he/she is angry. In fact, the divorce could have been the end result of persistent anger. Many married people and people in relationships have to deal with anger on a regular basis. There may be domestic abuse involved.
People process anger in different ways. Some are able to talk about what they are feeling, and how the react to the stimulus that seems to push that anger button. While some can communicate what makes them react to the stimulus, there are others that won’t communicate, and they lash out.
People are going to behave how they will, and we are going to react to them however we will. We can choose to be belligerent or we can be matter of fact and express the anger in a more constructive way. You can choose to throw dishes, call names, or go to blows with the other person, or you can admit you are angry right now, and ask for time to cool off.
If someone has asked you for cooling off time, this is the time to leave them alone for awhile. It’s not the time to try and keep the argument alive. It’s always better to talk about things once you have cooled down, because you can be more objective.
Most of the time issues can be worked out between the people that are angry with each other, but sometimes they can’t. It is better to admit when you can’t and go on. Wish the person well, and let them go. The divorce courts are dealing with people who could not deal with their issues and found they might be able to get along better if they were no longer together. Some remain friends, especially if children are involved, and others have to admit they cannot be friends, but they remain civil for the sake of their children.
Anger is a healthy emotion when it is expressed the right way. What we have to do is manage the anger we feel. We are human; we are going to have conflicts with each other. We all have different personalities.
Factors that can help us manage our anger:
1. Look into ourselves to see where the anger is coming from.
2. Ask ourselves: what are the triggers that make us feel angry?
3. Acknowledge that your anger is about you and not about the other person.
4. Acknowledge when we are in an argument with someone and we are feeling extreme anger we may be dealing with suppressed rage.
5. Acknowledge that relationships that sometimes break up due to continuous arguments are rarely caused by the arguments themselves. There is usually more to what is going on than what we are arguing about.
For instance, my good friend’s husband left her over a stick of gum. Yes, you read that right. She went grocery shopping and while she was at the store she picked up a pack of gum for her son. Her husband went into a rage over the pack of gum, saying she didn’t get him any gum, and therefore she cared for her son more than she cared for him.
His leaving her had nothing to do with the gum. There were other issues between them. The man came back after a few months and left again for another senseless reason. Whatever their issues were, they did not talk about them. The husband has anger issues that he is not facing, and I’ll bet they have nothing to do with his wife, but has everything to do with himself.
One day while I was driving them to and from church they were bickering the whole time. While my friend only told me of her husband’s reactions and short comings, she did not acknowledge her own. I saw both of them at each other’s throats. It looked to me that both people had anger issues, and they expressed them inappropriately to each other. Instead of working those issues out, they end up splitting up, getting back together, and splitting up again like a yoyo. They are now together again, treading water until the next breakup.
In my opinion, I feel it is better to get whatever is eating at you off your chest. It’s better to deal with a situation. It’s also better to accept responsibility for your own anger, and deal with it so that either the people in a relationship can go on or admit they can’t be together.
Thanks for reading!