(the following is a loose satire on Pharmaceutical Drugs based on watching so many commercials. We need to find a safer alternative to the side effects of Pharmachology)
A miracle drug panacea is available now from your favorite pharmaceutical company. It cures all that ails you and even reverses vaccine injury, spinal injury, and makes dead heads happy. This new medication can be used by certain individuals.
Potential side effects of this miracle drug include but are not limited to the following:
If you suffer from mental ailments such as depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder, confer with your doctor before taking as this new drug may increase the risk of suicide.
If you suffer from an autoimmune disorder, do not take this drug because it will cause infection, some infections in study groups have proven to be fatal.
If you have high blood pressure, a heart condition, or cholesterol even at safe levels, this may cause arrythmia or heart attacks, potentially fatal. If you don’t have high blood pressure, not to worry, this medication causes high blood pressure.
If you have irritable bowel syndrome this medication may cause colon cancer, however once the colon and bowel are removed and a colostomy bag properly installed, it should not cause further problems in this area.
Other potential side effects include cancer, brain tumors, kidney failure, seizures, blood clotting, blindness, and in rare cases sudden and inexplicable death.
However, if you are already a healthy person with a good immune system you should not be taking this drug, but if you choose to do so, not to worry you won’t be healthy for long.
In case of severe side effects, the Notakie Pharmaceuticals has a wide range of drugs which can balance many of the side effects, (except death).
A clinical study of this miracle drug performed in a federal penatentiary reduced the prison population by 50%, (proof that this drug is beneficial to society), of the remaining 50%, ninety percent suffered minor but permanent side effects, the other 10% are happier than they have ever been. Just think, you could be one of them!
Talk to your doctor and see if this panacea drug might be for you. Be more than you ever thought you could be, experience life from the other side.
Notakie Pharmaceuticals, we have something for every body.
Disclaimer: This article was meant to create a laugh with no intention of offending anyone. It is not meant to replace medical advice.