What do you think of when you meet a non-custodial mother? In most cases, a person’s opinion or idea of a non-custodial mother is far from the truth. If you were to ask non-custodial mothers why they lost custody, you would receive a wide array of answers. Very few of these responses would be because the mother was “unfit.” In fact, many mothers lose custody due to manipulative, controlling ex-spouses or partners.
Many mothers lose custody to their abusers. First, you may doubt this statement. Some studies have shown that batterers are able to convince authorities that the victim is unfit or undeserving of sole custody in approximately 70% of challenged cases. Fathers who batter mothers are two times more likely to seek sole physical custody of their children, than non-violent fathers.
Who are abusers? They can be highly educated with many credentials, prominent people in the community who are financially stable or wealthy, ones you would never imagine in a million years could commit such violence, and people in all professions. It is sometimes the people we admire and respect the most who abuse. They often do not “look” like abusers. It is this normal appearance and professionalism that in some ways, enable the inappropriate conduct. After all, who would believe THAT PERSON would abuse or batter anyone?
Second, you are probably wondering what judge in his or her right mind, would grant custody to an abuser.
How does it happen? Judges fail to consider all of the evidence- especially in abuse cases. Guardian Ad Litems who are supposed to remain neutral and in the best interests of the child(ren) lack training and choose “sides.” The abuser has more money to spend on litigation. The abuser brings false allegations of abuse or molestation against the victim. The abuser forces the child to make false allegations against the mother. The mother’s attorney fails to show up at a court hearing and a “default” is entered. The “court appointed psychological evaluation” is botched and untruthful. The evaluator conducting it is unqualified. The abuser uses a process of alienation techniques to turn the child against the other parent- so the child will say he or she wants to live with the abuser.
Don’t ever believe the following: that he could not get custody because he is a drunk of other drug user, she must have done “something” to deserve not having her child, she is not telling the whole story, there is no court in this land that would give him custody- he already has children he does not support, she did not try hard enough, you would fight for your child or do something the non-custodial mother did not do, or that perfect justice exists. Most important, do not ever believe it will not happen to you or a loved one.
Parental Alienation is not just about one parent “brainwashing” the child against the other parent. When you bad-mouth the other parent to your child, you are bad-mouthing half of your child. That parent is one half of your child’s heritage and identity. Love your whole child. Do not attempt to change your child’s history or think you can “erase” your child’s memories with the other parent. You will never be able to erase the love the child has for that parent or what is in his or her heart. The devastating and harmful effects of parental alienation can last a lifetime. Please do not do this to your child because it is child abuse.
Love your child more than you hate your ex. Remember when you look at your child, you are looking at the best of the union between you and the other parent. Our children make it impossible to regret our past. (a quote from the movie, “Black and Blue”)
For more information see http://www.TheJulietteGilbertAssociation.com