Yesterday, my wife called me and asked if I made a $3,900 purchase on my credit card.
“Did you buy a bike or something?“, she asked.
* mental note: wife didn’t seem too upset when she thought I bought a bike 3 times more expensive than my finest road weapon *
“Then you better call this number and talk to the credit card people, someone is using our credit card!”
“Gulp”, I gulped.
So, I called the credit card company. They have special people assigned to monitoring your purchasing activity. They work at a desk with a computer which has a monitor with a rotating police light and siren on top. I don’t know what their official title is, but I think it would be neat if these people were called Cardian Angels. When strangers steal your credit card numbers and pull all sorts dishonest shenanigans, this triggers alerts in their supercomputer and makes the computer siren sound off and the lights spin around and light up. The Cardian Angel immediately suspends your credit card account and calls you on the phone. This process works great every time I cross state lines and try to buy gasoline.
Yesterday, my Cardian Angel, who’s name is Klefkskiptuma, or something that sounds like that called me and informed me that someone made a bunch of purchases, including several $500 purchases and finally a big, whopping $3,900 purchase, which was finally shot down.
This could only mean one thing; someone fun stole Mick’s credit card.
So, they closed my account and the nice credit card company is sending me shiny new cards with new numbers that won’t be stolen for a few months.
And, that’s the end of the story.
Oh, wait, no it isn’t the end of the story at all, because Mick doesn’t just let sleeping dogs lie. When things like this happen, Mick becomes Agent Mick and launches a personal crusade to find the nasty number thief.
Agent Mick distinctly remembers one of merchants was Ritz Camera, the makers of the only disposable and edible camera, made from party crackers.
Agent Mick called Ritz camera and asked about the order that was placed yesterday. He wanted to know the delivery address for the almost $500 of merch that was ordered so he could report it to the police. The nice man at Ritz camera told him he couldn’t tell him the delivery address, but could tell him the order number, so he could give that to the police.
This left Agent Mick wondering which police station he would call if he didn’t know the delivery address, as well as wondering why he switched into telling this story in third person.
So, after some more badgering he found out the city was Central Islip, NY.
Which confirms something Agent Mick learned in college; many people from Long Island are a total pain in the ass.
Agent Mick is still hoping to get the full address, so we can all join together and send this person postcards from everywhere, telling him/her to get a real job, contribute positively to society and stop being such a jerk.
Agent Mick signing off for today.