I’ll be the first to admit it: When it comes to Oscar fashions and red carpet hits and misses, I’m pretty ignorant. I’m not a professional fashionista and I have no idea what’s in and what’s not on any given Sunday. I just know what looks good and what doesn’t. That’s why I was drawn to the idea of compiling my own Best and Worst Dressed lists this Oscar night; it’s lovingly devoted to all of my fellow fashion flunkies who will join me in scratching our heads in bewilderment as the real Oscars best and worst dressed lists are revealed after the curtain falls on the big show.
My Oscar Night Best Dressed List
Oscars Best Dressed Celebrity #1: Natalie Portman. Pretty in pink, I thought. Natalie’s bubble gummy gown had the perfect amount of foof and sparkle, and she looked put-together and professional. She’s a Hollywood class act and she showed it with this outfit.
Oscars Best Dressed Celebrity #2: Hugh Jackman. The reigining sexiest man alive in a black tuxedo. He looked hot. Hot, hot, hot. Of course, Hugh could probably manage to look hot in a burlap bag, but this outfit was extra special and served only to increase the hotness level. Did I mention he looked hot?
Oscars Best Dressed Celebrity #3: The Slumdog Millionaire kids. All of them. Adorable and age-appropriate in their dresses and suits. A+ to those responsible.
Oscars Best Dressed Celebrity #4: Penelope Cruz. Penelope looked ethereal in a vintage lacy cream-colored creation. Maybe even a bit bridal, but not so much so that it seemed inappropriate for the Academy Awards. I’m not sure she’ll end up on anyone else’s best dressed list, but I’m happy to include her on mine.
Oscars Best Dressed Celebrity #5: Viola Davis. I confess that I had no idea who Viola Davis was before she hit the red carpet. (Yes, I’m embarrassed.) But she was a stunner in her perfectly fitted Reem Akra gold gown: Classy, the perfect amount of cleavage and a great choice for her body type all-around. I’m looking forward to following her fashion choices in the future.
My Oscar Night Worst Dressed List
Oscars Worst Dressed Celebrity #1: Jennifer Aniston. I hemmed and hawed over this one for a few minutes. In theory, I liked Jen’s long, sparkly neutral colored dress. But the more I looked at her, the less I liked the bizarre lines in the dress itself. Was it pleated or wasn’t it? I couldn’t tell. And Jen’s face and hair didn’t do much to help her cause. Maybe it was the stress of being in such close proximity to husband-stealer Angelina Jolie, but she looked overtired, and her tresses looked much like she’d just rolled out of bed and headed to the ceremony an hour earlier. Not attractive. At all. Sorry Jen.
Oscars Worst Dressed Celebrity #2: Jessica Biel. Oh, ugh. Save maybe her cute drop earrings, Jessica’s entire get-up was a disaster. She looked like she’d been rolled up – sloppily – in a white satin bedsheet while wearing what must have been invisible make-up, and her hair, oh my, the hair. I’m guessing she was going for ‘tousled’ and ‘carefree’, but she achieved ‘high school basketball player after the game, pre-shower’. Paging Mary Camden!
Oscars Worst Dressed Celebrity #3: Sarah Jessica Parker. The Academy Awards is a family show, no? Way too much boob here. WAAAAY too much. Sarah Jessica’s gray dress may earn praise for its classic styling and ballerina-esque flow from the childless fashion experts among us, but this momma says no way Jose. The hair looked soft and pretty in its loose, wavy curls, but her make-up seemed severe. And the dress, again. Ugh. No.
Oscars Worst Dressed Celebrity #4: Miley Cyrus. I usually like Miley aka Hannah Montana. I really do. But her dress looked like something dreamed up by a mermaid on crack: Glittery with multi-tiered doily-like protrusions and a weird belt in the midsection. It was an interesting choice, just not a good one.
Oscars Worst Dressed Celebrity #5: Mickey Rourke. This was just so wrong on so many levels, from the ill-fitting cream-colored pants to the matching ill-fitting jacket to the chains. And don’t forget the pendant featuring a photo of his dearly departed furry friend Loki. Way too weird for me. All of it.
So there you have it: My 2009 Oscars Best and Worst Dressed Lists. Make of them what you will!