Plastic bags are becoming an epidemic. They make their home under the kitchen sinks of millions of Americans. They drift down the street like lone ghosts and roost in the trees. Plastic bags float in scenic streams and rivers all across the country. This dreadful plastic bags epidemic is choking the life out of us. What will we do? The solution for ridding ourselves of this epidemic is within our grasp. Plastic bags are taking over. We must take drastic steps to fight this epidemic while we can. Plastic bags multiply like rabbits. They fly out of city dumpsters in massive swarms to overtake the world. The plastic bags epidemic is spreading. It must be wiped out at all cost.
Return all plastic bags.
Gather all remains. Root them out from under the sinks and hiding holes of thy habitat and return them to the originators of this tragic epidemic. Be sure to proceed in a gleeful manner to the source of the epidemic with said plastic bags. Greet these persons with care, lest they not accept the plastic bags which have been so diligently collected. Lest ye forget, many fair vendors do offer monies in exchange for the return of their plastic bags.
Refuse to use plastic bags.
Rebel against the retail gods. Be heard by the leaders of the epidemic. Break out of the plastic bags mold. Just say no to bringing home more plastic bags. Cease adding to the supply by stopping the demand. Curtail the endless plastic bag pollution that hath scathed the nation. Cry out against evil plastic bags conspirators. Say unto them, “No thank you for I have brought my own bag, kind sir or madame, and I intend to use it against this outrageous epidemic”.
Choose an alternative.
Anything that holds purchases and carries easily may be utilized as a plastic bag substitute. A box, a carton, or a pillowcase. Take thy pillowcase to the store rather than spreading the plastic bags epidemic. Make a fool of yourself but stop this foolishness before it stops you. Frequent establishments where cloth bags can be purchased and used repeatedly. Make thine own bag using old blue jeans or by tying together a sweat shirt. Do anything man, time is of the essence.
Shop proudly with your new bag.
Hold your head high in the aisles of the finest shopping establishments. Wave your knotted sweatshirt with pride as you boldly fight this sad epidemic. Sneer and chuckle at the plastic bag people. Thou art far superior. Nod to the clerk as you proudly submit your pillowcase to be filled to overflowing. Sleep easily tonight my friend, for the plastic bags epidemic has been swiftly averted.
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