In Part 1, I reviewed a few steps for figuring out why your significant other (SO) might be upset with you on Valentine’s Day and suggested a few ways to come to a solution. But what if you are the one who is upset? Hopefully this article with both help you to feel better and provide some perspective for those who may have trouble understanding why you’re upset.
The most obvious reason one might be upset on Valentine’s Day is that your SO failed to acknowledge the day in any way. Trying to figure out why that is may be helpful for you to either solve the problem or to face some hard truths about your relationship.
Did your SO simply forget?
While annoying, it can happen to anyone. If he or she is sincerely sorry and makes it up to you, then you should forgive and forget. If forgetting days that are significant to you is a common occurrence and/or if he or she doesn’t seem sorry in the least, you should probably start examining your relationship a bit more closely. It is unlikely that he or she will change and you should decide whether or not this is going to be a major problem for you. It’s also probably worth considering that some people need some subtle prompting to remember holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries and this does not necessarily have anything to do with how they feel about the person involved. Calendars, gentle hints, or even blunt statements can be helpful.
Did you agree not to celebrate?
Oftentimes, people will agree not to celebrate a holiday or birthday with gifts, while one of them secretly hopes the other person will break the agreement and surprise them. While this can be a cute plot device in films, television, and literature, expecting this of your SO is a bit much. If it’s that important to you, exchange gifts, just make them ones that fit into your lifestyle.
The other reason one might be upset is that your SO acknowledged the day, but not in the way you wanted. Again, figuring out why this happened can be very helpful in avoiding the problem in the future or in reflecting on your relationship in a broader way.
Are your standards way too high?
Did you expect a picture-perfect scene out of your imagination? Sometimes our imaginations run away with us and often real life simply cannot live up to it. If your SO tried his or her very best to give you a wonderful gift, try to appreciated it for what it is. Don’t expect lavish, expensive gifts from someone who is trying to make ends meet or an elaborate, perfectly executed sweater from someone just learning how to knit. This doesn’t mean it isn’t okay to dream, just don’t get carried away.
Did you expect your SO to read your mind?
This is related to some of the above issues, like agreeing not to celebrate or having standards that are simply too high. Again, while a lot of media (of all ratings) can make it seem that in the ideal relationship partners can read one another’s minds, in reality humans have language for a reason. Unless you tell your SO that your ideal Valentine’s date is beer and brats in the park while Bon Jovi plays on the radio, he or she probably isn’t going to figure that out on their own. And some people can be a bit obtuse and miss subtle hints. So, communicate. Talk about your dreams and ideals and what you like or don’t like or think is romantic. And listen while your SO tells you his or her dreams and likes and dislikes. That’s the fun of being together.
The above being said, if the gift or date or whatever seems completely off base and totally out of character (and that wasn’t part of the idea behind it) or seems completely thoughtless, then this may be another sign that you should reevaluate your relationship. While telepathy isn’t going to happen, there is a certain amount of familiarity one expects from an SO and if he or she is totally off the mark, figuring out why is probably a good idea.
I hope this article and its companion piece, Part 1, have been helpful.
