The year was 1999 and I was scared to death. My husband was abusing me and I had a 2 year old child to keep safe. I was too embarrassed that I had gotten into this situation to seek help from Mom and Dad but where else could I go for help? I had no choice. For the first time in my life I was unable to take care of myself. Worst yet I couldn’t even take care of my precious daughter, whom my husband had kidnapped. So I pointed the broken down Buick Skylark towards New Hampton. My hands gripped the ancient wheel in a death grip as I cried my eyes out. I could hardly see the road ahead of me but I really didn’t care. Dying was a very real and appealing way out for me right then. All I could think of was, “What will Mom and Dad think of me?” I was so concerned that they would think I was a failure in life because of what I had done in getting mixed up with a drug addict that I almost turned the car around. But turning the big behemoth around would mean going back to the arms and fists of the very man who had destroyed my life and taken my baby. I had to take a chance. I had no other option other then a homeless shelter or suicide.
As the gravel on the drive crunched beneath the bald tires my heart began to pound loudly. “What should I say? What should I do?” I hadn’t thought of that because I was way too busy worrying about what they would think of me. I shakily rang the bell. Mom answered and I broke down and cried as I stumbled through the door. Mom lovingly led me up the stairs to my old bedroom and then held me in her arms as I cried myself to sleep. Not a word was shared between us yet her silent advice gave me hope.
The next morning she stayed by my side as I fought to get my daughter back and fought the legal system to have justice exacted against my husband. He was punished for his violence against me but was never punished for kidnapping my little angel. Then he used his families influence to get custody of my only reason to live. I was poor and his family was rich. I didn’t stand a chance in the corruption of the New Hampshire judicial system. But through it all my mother stayed by my side, never chastising and never judging me for marrying my now ex.
So what was her unspoken advice that cold November night? Her advice was that no matter what I did and no matter how badly I messed things up she would always be there for me and would always love me unconditionally. For that small little piece of advice, that has kept me in the fight for my daughter and the fight to stay alive, I am forever grateful. Without that advice I would have given up long ago. Without that advice my daughter wouldn’t have a mother to fight for her. Without that advice I would cease to exist. And without that advice I wouldn’t have realized how much my mother really cares for me. Sometimes actions can speak much louder then words. That cold November night my Mom screamed to the world that she loved me even though she breathed not a word.