What they don’t know won’t hurt them
When people use the statement “what they don’t know won’t hurt them” they are under the assumption that withholding information is somehow better than bold face lying. The reality is lying and deception, false pretense, and withholding information are all in the same category. All are a form of relationship betrayal. In fact when you’re not honest with your partner about what circumstances may be going on you’re leaving your partner vulnerable to whatever drama may arise from the secret situation. Lets say, for example you keep a secret about the fact you communicate with an ex flame from high school, then the communication leads to the ex showing up at your work and eventually home. The amount of explaining and apologizing far outweighs the benefit of keeping the secret. Being honest with your partner is the most respectful thing you can do for them in love.
I lie to save my partner from being hurt
To say that you lie or withhold information from your mate to save their feeling is one of the most ludicrous concepts to date. Rationalizing your lies to keep your sense of loyalty is backwards. Many people that say they lie either because their partner is too sensitive, or can’t handle the truth. In relationships the best thing you can do for your partner especially if they are sensitive is to tell them the truth. If you lie to someone to save them the only thing you’re saving them from is yourself. In essence you are a wolf in sheep’s clothing and everything comes to light in time. It’s better to hurt a partner in the beginning by being honest and upfront than in the end with dishonesty. I can tell you firsthand that being equipped with the truth no matter how bad it may be is far easier to deal with than being deceived then finding out the truth later. Every moment that goes by when you could have told the truth will be the only thing on your partner’s mind. “Why didn’t he/she tell me sooner?”
Some people want to be lied to
The subject of people that want to be lied to is difficult to understand. I can’t disprove this concept because in my experience this is the truth for some. Certain people in this life have a difficult time dealing with reality, life, deception, hurt, pain, and conflict. They would go to great lengths to make sure they stay far away from these conditions. Unfortunately just because they ignore it doesn’t mean it goes away. For people who have been in a marriage for 30 years, had children and built a life together find out their partner has another family unit with someone they cheated with. You have a house and mortgage, and you have your history.
The Cost of a Life of Luxury
Do you leave it all or do the best you can with what you have? The same goes for the wives of professional athletes. They have the rewards and riches, fame, and fortune yet they know everyday groupies are out there in this world making a sport of sleeping with athletes including their husband. Do you turn the other cheek and accept your life for what it is? Do you take a stand and remove yourself from the equation?
I have dealt with this particular situation myself with an NFL player for the Pittsburg Steelers that will remain nameless. I could have dealt with the infidelity, lies, and deception when the phone calls came from private numbers at all hour of the night that he’d refuse to answer because he “didn’t know who it was.” Well my response to that was “it’s obviously someone you gave you number to since they are calling repeatedly in the middle of the night and hear your name on the voicemail!” I’m sure he called whatever female it was the next day to make an excuse that he had fallen asleep or that his phone was in the other room. This was just the first in a string of unacceptable behaviors by him. He wasn’t the first professional athlete I had this exact problem with either I chose my freedom from the situation even thought that cost me a life of luxury. It also cost him a good woman. Unfortunately there is no right answer in these situations and many more. It’s an individual choice on every level as to what you will accept and at what price. Honesty is the greatest gift that you can give to your lover.