An interesting thing has happened in the past week, I’ve heeded Obama’s advice and put aside the childish name calling and bickering when talking to my conservative friends and tried to understand what their positions are. It turns out, when I do that, having them try and explain their positions makes them madder than the childish name calling and bickering.
Take a simple position like Abortion. They should know why they are against it but all they say is: Abortion is Murder.
Taking out the dictionary I see. Murder: the killing of another human being under conditions specifically covered in law.
The simple way to stop Abortion from being Murder is to have it be legal, then it is not murder and everyone is happy right.
It turns out that I am wrong, and they say, “That’s not what I meant”. So I go to the next definition.
Murder: Slang. something extremely difficult or perilous: That final exam was murder!
OK, I think we can agree on that, Abortion is so difficult we should have specialists, like maybe, doctors do it. Not done at home by a distraught teenager. So far we agree that it should be legal and preformed by a doctor.
Once again it turns out I am wrong, and they repeat, “That’s not what I meant”. So on to the next definition.
Murder: a group or flock of crows.
That doesn’t really get to nub of the matter. If they are that bad at biology we can save the conversation until they take 5th grade biology, it’s best to move along to the next definition.
Murder: to spoil or mar by bad performance, representation, pronunciation, etc.: The tenor murdered the aria.
This little problem can be solved by having doctors do the procedure, they are much less likely to murder an abortion than a distraught teenager.
Just when I think we have reached an agreement, they again say no.
Having run through the Nouns and Verbs I’m left with Idioms.
Get away with murder, Informal. to engage in a deplorable activity without incurring harm or punishment: The new baby-sitter lets the kids get away with murder.
The deplorable part is debatable, but what really catches my interest is the “Without incurring harm…” I want to know what doctor they know that can do an Abortion without incurring harm. All the women I know who have had one couldn’t have sex for two weeks, and because the muscles get scraped during the procedure they can’t even masturbate without pain.
I’m sure if a doctor came up with a method that avoided the harm part he would have a corner on the market.
Finally, out of definitions the Conservative has to rely on their old standby, “The dictionary has a liberal bias.”