Top Ten Resolutions for 2009 For a Philadelphia Sports Fan:
1. I will not drink beer or alcohol at a public sporting event. (Hahahahahahahahahaha! Got you there, didn’t I! On Sunday afternoons for home games, the Linc is maybe the biggest drunk tank in the nation! Not drink beer at a football game, ha!)
2. I will refrain from swearing at the ref’s and players from the other teams, including their general managers, trainers, mascots, towel boys and bus drivers.
3. I will stop posting on the Morning Yardbarker and the ESPN web sites about how miserable the state of sports are in the City of Brotherly Love. Like they don’t already know this!
4. I will, on occasion, have my photo taken at some of my family’s events without wearing an Eagles, Phillies or Flyers jersey. These occasions can include weddings, high school graduations, family reunions, and baptism ceremonies. Well, maybe not at ALL weddings, especially if the reception is in South Philly.
5. I will stop telling anyone who listens that Andy Reid doesn’t know a pass from a rush. I won’t stop thinking it, I will just stop TELLING everyone the truth why the Eagles can’t win.
6. I publicly will acknowledge that Philadelphia actually does have a fourth sports team, the Philadelphia Soul. I will try to remember that, though it will be hard, and hat the Soul won the 2008 Arena Football League Championship, and that we actually had a PARADE for them downtown. Who knew? (Not many people, apparently.)
7. I will root for the Philadelphia Soul during the 2010 season, since the Arena Football League is so done for 2009. The League closed down for the year because they lost most of their sponsors. (They had sponsors?)
8. Never will I again question the selection of Donovan McNabb as the first pick in the draft ten years ago. A decade is long enough to hold a grudge. Besides, I’m pretty sure he won’t be in an Eagles uniform after January 1st, 2009.
9. From the depths of my Philly soul, I will forgive the use of the F-Bomb by a certain Phillies pitcher during the World Series Championship Parade. Hey, that word is considered to be pretty much polite language where we live. You want cursing? I’ll give you cursing…
10. Life will be a total and cruelly inhumane failure if during the course of my years on earth the Eagles don’t win a Super Bowl. Yeah, the World Series was nice, and so was the thing that the Soul group won. (Were they, like, musicians or something? Are you sure they play a real sport? Arena football, huh. Who wouldda known…) Without a Super Bowl win, a Philadelphia sports fan is like a duck without water, he’s like a man who’s been done by that word that rhymes with ‘duck’, for the rest of his life.
Oh, and one last thing: I will never, ever throw a snowball at Santa Claus ever again. Honest. Won’t happen. Besides, I have eleven months to really work on that before it could even HAPPEN. December ’09 is a long way off, my friend, a long way off….