Trying to gain power in love is a bad thing, but love can be a very powerful thing. As I stated in a previous article: Power in Relationships, trying to have power over each other in the relationship will only damage it. When we seek power in a relationship, generally we are seeking it over one another and that is never a good thing, whether it is a romantic relationship or a friendship type relationship. What we can find in a relationship is power within ourselves to accomplish things, when we feel loved. Everyone has the carnal need to be loved and to love someone else. When that need is fulfilled we tend to think we can take on the world and accomplish anything that is thrown our way. We also have that feeling of not being motivated when we aren’t feeling that love from someone else.
Something I read in a novel called
aint by Ted Dekker was when we focus on love; selfless love our power in this world to achieve anything we set our minds to is endless. We can do anything we want when we choose to selflessly love someone other than ourselves because then we are motivated to be a better person for them. In my last article I said “Relationships are not about power, or having power over the other. How could that be an equal partnership? In fact trying to have power within the relationship will only take the love away and lead to attempting to control the other person.” When we try to have power over someone else, we take love away, but when we begin to love, truly love someone other than ourselves; that is when the power to overcome anything happens.
When we love someone else and when we are loved by them we begin to believe in ourselves. We have support and encouragement even when we feel like we aren’t worth it. When we love someone else we want them to succeed in everything they do, and our love gives them the power to reach for their dreams and vise versa. One of the characters in
aint asks this question “Do I love her for my own sake?” Sometimes it feels like we are loving someone for our own selfish desires, if we feel powerful to accomplish things or want to satisfy that carnal need then are we still being selfish? Wanting to feel loved is not a selfish act, it is a need we all have just like we need to eat or need to breath, therefore it cannot be selfish just because we do feel powerful enough to take on the world.
Many times we need to know that our spouse loves us to find that power within. How many of us have asked our spouses: do you love me or why do you love me. Hearing that our lovers love us gives us that power to say “I am worth something, I can do this.” It helps us see the good within ourselves instead thinking we can’t do anything. Knowing our love languages as Dr. Gary Chapman talks about helps us feel that way. It helps us feel like we have the love and support of someone else to be able to be the person we need to be in order to make them happy. When we focus on selfless love, we want to make the other person as happy as we possibly can.
When it comes to being in a relationship with someone we cannot focus our attention on ourselves and what we want from the relationship, but trying to meet their needs. When we do that we have power. We have the power to make someone else happy, which in turn gives us the power to accomplish things we never expected to accomplish. We cannot try to focus on ourselves; that just makes our love for someone selfish because we are expecting something from the relationship. Relationships are more than meeting our needs and satisfying what we want out of life. It is about giving our love to someone else. Selfless love.