This article is a guide on what to go if you have writer`s block and how to get your creative juices flowing again. So if you are having a hard time on what article you should write next this is sure to help.
First thing is first. Give up! You obviously already have writer`s block and are drawing a blank, so why not go with it. This will help you if you accept that maybe you just can`t write right now. Once you have blown off your deadlines and dreams and hopes there will be less pressure on you to preform. And let`s face it, if it doesn`t work out, you already gave up! You have already failed by sitting here reading B grade articles like this one instead of writing your own editorial blurb or whatever it is you writers do. Forget all the things and forget all people that inspire you or so you say. After all they aren`t exactly inspiring your next article up for you, are they?
Now it`s time to let loose. Do whatever relaxes you most… Margaritas, a hot bath, blasting old music from your high school days and singing along. I don`t care, just do what you have to do! Let off a little steam. For the more conventional ones of us reading this article just for the hell of it and you really do find yourself cursed with writer`s block try going to your favorite spa and getting a Swedish massage and take the day off work and stay away from your family. That is for sure! For the rest of you B grade writer`s and members of society, do what I do. Go to the liquor store, stock up on a wide selection of sweet alcoholic drinks. You know the kind. The kind that you can actually feel your teeth rotting out of your head and the hangover the next day is a remarkably painful one from the combination of the sugar and the vodka. Hell while your at it, might as well grab a six pack of beer too. Just to be sure.
Wait until you get home to open those treats. First you will have a little more shopping to do. Stop by your local midnight super market. mall, grocery store or pharmacy and get the following items. A disposable camera, chocolate, ice cream and a bag of your favorite chips. You will also need to purchase a lottery ticket, a single flavored cigar, 1 copy of maxim magazine, a Redbull or energy drink equivalent to something that is going to rock your nervous system like fancy chemical drugs do and also a lighter or pack of matches. You too ladies,don’t forget the Maxim. The girls always pass this one off as one item you need don’t really need but this magazine will help more for women then men on curing your writer’s block. Don’t ask questions, if you are stupid enough to follow this article. You will discover later what all that is about. Right now you are busy, sober, driving in your car while wallowing in self pity about your entire life`s failures adding up to not being able to jot down a few stupid words on paper.
Now if you weren’t to busy in the car being a loser because you have writer’s block and your life is over. Go inside with your supplies and leave your self pity at the door. This will only add to the havoc you are about to put your self through. Get comfortable, take off your pants, close the shades (for other people’s sake please) and set your environment up just how you want it for a good atmosphere for pounding back a bottle of wine, I mean for curing your writer’s block of course. For example get your lighting just right. Make it nice and comfortable on your eyes and put on some soothing rock music that you once listened to while screaming at your parents. Those were the days, huh?
Back to the topic at hand, you useless empty headed writer. You are trying to create your master piece here, your life`s one true work. Stay focus, that is your problem. Isn’t it? I am just messing with you. Time to bust open the booze. This will help let loose your inhibitions and bring all sorts of whack ideas to write about. Also eat some of those sweet treats you bought earlier, perhaps make a whiskey float with the tub of ice cream you bought. Nobody is watching you here, and if your family is… Don’t you think you could have planned this on a better night?
Anyways delve deep into all the wonderful chem-tech drinks and treats you bought. Get a sugar buzz going like the kind you use to get when you snorted Kool-aid powder up your nose to be cool in front of the other kids at school. If you are thinking, I never did anything like that. Then you may want to stop and question yourself on why a fine, cultivated individual like yourself is reading an article scraping this low on the barrel of society.
Now that you are at least half cut, scratch the lottery ticket. Chances are you didn’t win. Like I said before, “Let’s face it!” You aren’t exactly on a winning streak. There you go write an article on depression, losing your one big chance or a masterpiece featuring all the dreams that got away. Your family will really love the finished product. I am sure. Or if your an optimistic sort of person write some garb about how you didn’t really want to win and money ruins lives or some crap. Excuse my language but we aren’t exactly reading article of the year here.
Are you sure you pounded the energy drink mixed with the vodka fast enough?? That’s okay. Clam down again and start in on the 6 pack. Now it’s time to hit up the Maxim magazine if you still have nothing to say or write. You might as well get out the cigar and lighter too. When is the next time you will be drunk looking at half naked women and smoking a cigar in your underwear on the brink of getting a real job. Hopefully the answer is not, when I wake up again, but if it is I think you are the epitome of this fine article. So congratulations. Society has finally been forced to take note of your detriment to society creating and propagating more media in a downhill spiral of general morals.
Guys if you can’t find something in here to trigger some sort of wild article in your mind and notebook then maybe it’s time to play for the other team. And ladies I am sure you have some sort of opinion about something you are looking at in that magazine right now is just dying to get out. If not, you are in serious trouble and may actually have to hand out some resumes when you sober up. This is the part where you realize this has all been a waste of your time so you write an article about another wasted day or talent. If not then here is where you really need the lighter or matches. It’s time to torch your writing and work. We all know you weren’t getting anywhere anyways. Hell if it’s really bad why not torch the house too?? Now say cheese and snap off a couple shots with the disposable camera you bought to remind yourself of your new low and not to go there again.
Well I hope you don’t all take this too literal as it’s not a true piece of quality literature. It is just another writer’s attempt on curing the ominous bug we catch now and then known as writer’s block.